Joke #2833

Why did god make beer? So the Irish would not take over the world.
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy". The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, blonde, ginger, women
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint my house!"
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
He doesn’t like to drink. It’s just something to do while he gets drunk.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
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has 75.73 % from 94 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
Yo momma’s so fat, when she dances the band skips.
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish." The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of beer, how about you turn this whole damn lake into beer". *POOF* the genie grants his wish and leaves. His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hell did you do that for, now we have to piss in the boat!!"
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, fish, genie
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, cop, drunk
A policeman sees a car weaving all over the road and hits his flashing lights. He walks up to the driver's window and sees a good looking woman behind the wheel. There is a strong smell liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the balloon and he walks it back to his patrol unit. After a couple of minutes, he returns to her car and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies, "You mean it shows that, too?"
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, drunk
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Benjamin Franklin.
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has 20.26 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol