A very short painter walks into a Parisian bar and offers to buy his friend a drink.
His friend, rushing out of the door, shouts, ‘Can’t stop now, no time Toulouse.’
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What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot?
Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ...
20 years old and mixed up with coke !
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks.
This beautiful lady sits down next to him.
He turns to her and says, "hey, how 'bout it. You and me, getting it on.
I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money."
She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots."
Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?"
The guy says," Oh, I want them both now.
One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks "He can drink?"
"Oh, sure.
He can drink."
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
"That's amazing" says the bartender.
"What else can he do, can he walk?"
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that."
The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter.
Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock.
"That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?"
The man says "Sure he talks.
Hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as quickly as he can.
The bartender asks, "my goodness, why are you drinking so fast?'
The guy replies, "You would be drinking just as fast if you had what I have."
The bartender looks at him curiously and says, "What do you have?"
The guy responds, "Only one Dollar."
What do you get when you cross a bunny with an orange?
A pip squeak.
Two old drunks in a bar.
The first one says,
"Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables.
He sets em down on the bar.
And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!"
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.