If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
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A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
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Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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Heres what you do:
1. Dinner
2. Kiss
3. Movie
4. Sex
5. Bring her back home
6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting
Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden?
Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
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What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A bus load of babies on fire.
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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