If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day.
It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
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A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly.
Lorraine dies suddenly.
At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
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Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!
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Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
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A Mexican and a nigga are riding in car.
Who's driving?
A cop!
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How do you stop an Iraqi tank?
"Just shoot the guy that's pushing it!"
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An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye."
"I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?"
"I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!"
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