Joke #2847

If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
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What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings.
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An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye." "I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?" "I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!"
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Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
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Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other? A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people. It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch. Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one. Break their bones - they have 206.
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What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding? A baby in a microwave.
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Patient: “Doctor, Doctor… I can’t stop stealing things”. Doctor: “Take these pills for a week. If that doesn’t work, I’ll have a color TV”.
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