Joke #2847

If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
Vote: has 18.53 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
Vote: has 59.74 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, death, terrorist
Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
Vote: has 82.36 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, hospital, nurse
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
Vote: has 71.64 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, animal, black humor, food
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food
Doctor to patient: "Why are you nervous?" Patient: "Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation." Doctor: "But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: - Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: - Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. - But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: - I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. - But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. - Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
Vote: has 29.75 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, doctor, time
What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl? Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Vote: has 86.90 % from 1386 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, death, phone
Q: What happened to Jesus when he said "Catch me outside, how bout dat"? A: He got crucified
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, christian, communication, death
Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, cop