Q: Why did cow cross road? A: To find to the udder side.
The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
Q: What is height of Suicide? A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"