Q: Why did cow cross road?
A: To find to the udder side.
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The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
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Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’?
A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
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Q: What is height of Suicide?
A: A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust?
A: The cost.
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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad.
Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
What do you call a nun in a wheel chair?
Virgin mobile.
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