Q: Why did cow cross road? A: To find to the udder side.
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
Why did Hitler commit suicide? He got the gas bill.
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.
Old man: "Can you give me an erection?" Faith Healer: "I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can even cure cancer. But, I'm sorry I cannot raise the 'dead'."
Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."
Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals? A: He went down really well!
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. - Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!