Q: Why did cow cross road? A: To find to the udder side.
When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest. This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid. I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart. Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple. The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee.
If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? Because black people have no rights...
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake. A bittersweet victory.
What do you call a baby on a stick? A Kebabie.