Joke #2850

A: Why are you late? B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? B: No, I was standing on it.
Vote: has 83.90 % from 266 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother. Robot for sale...
Vote: has 82.80 % from 107 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist. And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, love
The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.
Vote: has 85.34 % from 118 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
"Doctor I feel like biscuits!" "What, you mean those square ones?" "Yes!" "The ones you put butter on?" "Yes!" "Well, that means you’re crackers!"
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life
Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Patient: "Doctor, I feel there are two of me." Doctor: "Very well, I shall see you, one at a time."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, political, religious, time
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P. Now he down with No P.P.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Vote: has 74.89 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, food, life
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, life, music