Joke #2850

A: Why are you late? B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? B: No, I was standing on it.
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has 84.24 % from 279 votes. More jokes about: life

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A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature. The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know." So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle. She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car. Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved. Then dissapered over it. The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?" His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, car, driving, life
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
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has 82.66 % from 762 votes. More jokes about: dirty, life
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
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has 77.74 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time, work
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: food, health, life
Life Lemons Saying: White Guy: When Life gives you lemons enjoy them with friends. Black Guy: When Life gives you lemons sell them, buy a gun, point it at life and say "More lemons mother Fucker".
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Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
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has 76.99 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, music
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
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I'm tired 8 days a week.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: life, time
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
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Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck. There can only be 1 living legend.
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