You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass.
You know what that means?
You Matter.
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A son and the dad are walking around on the streets.
The dad stops the son and says, "Son, if you don't stop masturbating, you are going to go blind."
The son says, "Dad! I'm over here!"
How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people?
You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter.
To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
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Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Life’s a bitch, and then you’re reincarnated.
Why is there a fence around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul.
Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.”
"Do you want a room with or without a view?"