We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
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Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny."
Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some homework."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale...
Doc, isn't it harmful to drink a shot before eating?
No it's not, if you don't eat too often..
Q: What did the pencil say to the sharpener?
A: Stop going in circles and get to the point.
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