Theres this girl,she is five. She goes spying on her big sister and she hears her cussing out her boyfriend and she says,"you mother fucking asshole!" Just then jill, thats the little girl,interrupts them talking and blurts out, "Big Sis,what does asshole mean? The girl surprised by the question,says BOYFRIEND! Okay , so the girl runs off onto the bathroom. Jill sneaks up on her dad while he was shaving and says boo! THE dad says "Shit!" So the girl ask her dad "What does shit mean?" And he stammers "Shaving cream". So she said okay and went about her day. Jill then runs into her mom, who was in the kitchen cutting the turkey. Her mom is startled when Jill comes in, cuts her hand, and says "Fuck!". So Jill ask "What does fuck mean momma?" And scramblimg for an answer, her mom says "cutting." All of the sudden, they hear the door. Jill answers and sees her Dads boss at the door. He ask "Sweetie, do you know where you everyone is at?" And she says, "Well, my sister’s talking to her asshole, my Moms fucking the turkey and my Dads wiping the shit off his face."
"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?" "No, why?" "Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"
I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multi-colored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat that's directly across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man, "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies, "Yeah, back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore and screwed a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son.''
A man is on a plane. The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on. The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob." Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom. The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."
What do you call an afghan virgin Mever bin laid on
This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.
Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert." Joe happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar. Joe asks what the dollar is all about. The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him, give him a dollar. The lunch was my idea."
My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.