What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster?
10% off for bringing your own crabs.
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Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.
Ok, So superman was flying around on day after he had saved the world.
"Man that was hard work, Now I need to relax and f*ck a b*tch."
And so he went to the batcave.
He walked over to batman and asked, "You know any hoes that just want to have s*x?"
Batman looked and replied, "Well I heard superwomen wants to have s*x."
Superman looked at him and shook his head,"Well superwomen wants to have s*x with EVERYONE."
So intern he goes to robin, "Look robin I know your gay and all but do you know any hoes that want to f*ck."
Robin replies, "Well I heard superwomens pretty good."
Superman looks and says,"Well EVERYONE hears superwomen is good."
Pissed superman flies off.
While hes flying he passes over a field.
He looks down and sees superwomen completly naked with her legs spread.
Superman thinks to himself, "I can get in and out in faster than a speeding bullet."
So he flies down gets in and gets out faster than a bullet.
Back in the field superwomen looks around and says, "What the f*ck was that?"
and invisible man says, "I don't know but my ass hurts."
There once was a girl named Pinkie who desired to have a little inky,
when the notion of the motion was planted,
in her dinky little head.
With her butt in the air,
while the man in the sidecar tattooed her derriere 100 miles per hour down I 45 to bike fest.
Drunk and stupid and would not listen,
smeared beyond recognition,
she said it was Tinker Bell but we couldn't tell O well.
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend".
"Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"?
After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women?
Bingo!
What do you give the princess who has everything?
A seatbelt and an airbag.
One day President Trump's motorcade was heading to the Mexican border to see first hand progress on The Wall.
All of a sudden a naked lone figure was seen bent over on the side of the road.
Wanting to help the president ordered the motorcade to stop.
He got out and approached the figure and suddenly realized it was Nancy Pelosi.
She was naked with her wrists handcuffed to her ankles.
The president said, "OMG Nancy what happened?"
She cried out that she was kidnapped by a bunch of people wearing MAGA hats and left to die!
The president said "Well I'm not going to let that happen" as he was unzipping his zipper.
He yelled out to the motorcade "OK boys the line starts behind me"
Chuck Norris never gets dirty.
The dirt is too afraid to even touch him or his clothes.
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