Joke #2965

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape. The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ." The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ." The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

She is so blonde, when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went back home.

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He started chasing after the speeder . When he got close he's saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving. The cop yelled, "Pull over!" The blonde shouted back, "No! It's a sweater!"

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?” “No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.” “So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island. One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes. All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each. The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened." and poof, her wish was granted. The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened." and poof, her wish was granted. Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor askes her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakanly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The bastard called again"

Q: Two blondes are standing on top of the Empire State Building. How can you tell which one is the true blonde and which one is the bleached blonde? A: The bleached blonde isn't throwing bread crumbs at the helicopters!

Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?” Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!” Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it... A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.” “I think I know who it..but I’m not 100%… No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure. Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone? Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.” (ringing) Maggie (also a blonde): “Hello…” Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million. The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question. There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.” Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest? Is it: A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush” Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.” Barbara: “You think?” Maggie: “I’m sure.” Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up) Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?” Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo” Regis: “Is that your final answer?” Barbara: “It is.” Regis: “Are you confident?” Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.” Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.” (clapping) That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest? Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?" "In three months."

Why do blondes clean their hair in the sink? Because that’s where your supposed to wash vegetables.

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.