What fur do we get from a tiger? As fur as possible!
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits? Rabbits habits.
‘I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.’ Steven Wright
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.
Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water? A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?