Little Billy looks at the chimpanzees from the zoo.
Mama, little Billy shouts, this monkey looks like our neighbour, Mr. Danny.
Billy, it’s not polite to talk like that!
Why? The chimpanzee doesn’t understand...
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Q: What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?
A: A rotisserie chicken.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Unhoppy.
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.
The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Q: What side of the cow gives the most milk?
A: The utter side.
What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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What do cows read at the breakfast table?
The moospaper.
What do cows wear when they are on vacation in Hawaii?
Moo moos.
There's a guy Who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher.
Then, the bear climbed down and went away.
So the guy starts to climb down the tree.
Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him.
The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first.
But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him.
Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again.
Suddenly, the two bears return.
But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.
Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
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