What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
How slime flies.
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How do you make a cat be a dog?
Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match.
It will go 'WOOF.'
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow?
A tail pail.
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together.
Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey.
After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
"I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde.
"I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, "Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications.
Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.
Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion!
Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.
He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."
What do you get from a cowmedian?
Cream of Wit.