What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
Chuck norris once killed a bear with an imaginary knife.
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications. Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant. Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion! Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.