What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?