A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
Why was the horse all charged up? It ate some haywire!
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?" "No." "Did he hurt the cows?" "No, he just grazed them."
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
Why did the frog cross the street? Because the chicken crossed the road.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.