Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire?
A: He got arrested just like you would've.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
A man goes to a bar with his dog.
He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"
The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me."
The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua.
The first guys sees him, stops him and says
"You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.
The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so.
They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.
Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
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A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
He liked a good croak and dagger.
What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Eat, stink and be merry.
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.
What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.
One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"