Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
Chuck Norris won the Kentucky derby, on a Unicorn.
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?" Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."