Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law.
How can you know a lawyer is lying?
When he moves his lips.
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
Q: Why does California have the most lawyers, and New Jersey, the most toxic waste dumps?
A: New Jersey got first pick.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.”
The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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