Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
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Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
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Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road?
A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet?
Because deep down they are really good people.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!
What’s the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.
Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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A lawyer opens the door of his BMW.
Another car speeds by and hits the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrive, the lawyer is complaining bitterly.
‘Officer, look what they’ve done to my car!’ he whines.
‘You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick,’ replies the officer.
‘You’re so worried about your stupid car, you haven’t even noticed your left arm was ripped off!’
‘Oh my God!’ replies the lawyer.
‘Where’s my Rolex?’