Joke #2999

What color is a burp? It's burple!
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has 19.25 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: kids

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Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!” “It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!” “Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a penis!”
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has 82.48 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, teen, women
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
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has 61.49 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: airplane, cat, dog, kids, travel
"Johny, what is the difference between being sober and being drunken?" Johny: "When I was drunk I didn't need to buy a ticket to the carousel." "Ok, and when you were sober and wanted to go to the carousel what has happened then?" "The carousel man needed to center the whole carousel, of course. The left half of the carousel was for me and the right one for all the small children."
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has 41.89 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: drunk, kids, little Johnny
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
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has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, sex
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors. I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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has 76.28 % from 1154 votes. More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
It was at an amusement park on a brutally hot day when I saw a father with 2 kids. "Who’s enjoying the most?" I asked cheerfully. "I am" said one. "I am" said the second. "No," the father said "their mother is!"
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: kids
Happy Father's Day to the only person on the planet still willing to employ me.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, kids, work
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
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has 81.67 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: car, dad, family, kids
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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has 34.12 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, kids