Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
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A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.
“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.
“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.
Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”
Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Vote:
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."
Responses:
American: "Keep trying!"
Briton: "Change Doctor!"
Aussie: "Follow a special diet."
Indian: "Practice yoga!"
Pinoy: "Let me try!"
He used to be a bottle baby, but when he reached the age of ten he pushed the cork out and escaped.
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
Vote:
*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers.
When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing.
"Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?"
"I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"