Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
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The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer.
"I can arrange some things for you," the devil said.
"I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment.
"What's the catch?" he asked.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town;
"Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father.
"How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
When terrorists feed their children, do they use the airplane method of "open wide" while making airplane noises?
Or do they just smash it into their faces?
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
Mary's father has 5 daughters,
1. Nana
2. Nono
3. Nini
4. Nene
What is the fifth daughters name?
Bertie comes sadly to his mommy and says, "Mom, the kids have been mean to me. They keep teasing me that my feet are too big. Please tell me honestly. Are my feet to big?"
"Of course not, Bertie. Now go put your shoes in the garage, the dinner is ready."
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she gave your kids a "Yo' Grandmama Is So Stupid" joke book.