When is a door sweet and tasty? When its jammed!
A kid asks his father: Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed? Dad: Because the bed wont come to you.
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy? Son: I love you both. Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to? Son: Japan. Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me? Son: No, I just want to visit Japan. Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to? Son: France. Father: See? Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan.
How did the Vikings send secret messages? By norse code! Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder? He had a bee in his suit of armour! Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss! Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights!
What color is a burp? It's burple!
Where does a boat go when it is sick? The dock.
Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Q: Why do two skunks argue? A: Because they like to kick up a stink.