What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie?
Putting the shoes on the flies!
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Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.
Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds.
There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
A team of doctors attended the delivery of quintuplets who were able to walk immediately after the umbilical cords were cut.
The senior doctor was asked to explain this unusual occurrence.
‘I guess they had a lot of practice,’ said the doctor.
‘What do you mean, “practice”?’ asked a junior colleague.
‘They were just born!’ The doctor replied, ‘Well, it was standing womb only.’
"Johny, what is the difference between being sober and being drunken?"
Johny: "When I was drunk I didn't need to buy a ticket to the carousel."
"Ok, and when you were sober and wanted to go to the carousel what has happened then?"
"The carousel man needed to center the whole carousel, of course.
The left half of the carousel was for me and the right one for all the small children."
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The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
Q: What sports team is the least safe around children?
A: The Nashville Predators.