Joke #3020

What color is a burp? It's burple!

Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets. So, he decided to take advantage of it. One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!" His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?" "Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face. When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!" Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?" "Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face. The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman. He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!" The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!"

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."

Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can’t have any honey for two weeks!" Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can’t have any butter for two weeks!" When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?"

Father and his 13 year old son walk into the pharmacy. The son sees the boxes of condoms and asks: "What are these dad?" And the father answers truthfully: "These, my boy, are called condoms. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh.. i see! the boy answers. They shown them to us at school, in the sex education class." Then the boy looks at a packet with 3 condoms in it and asks: "Why does this one have only 3 in it dad?" "This, son is for high-school kids: One for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday." Then the boy looks at another packet that has 6 inside. "What about this one? Why does it have 6 in?" "This is for college students: Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday." Then the kid sees that packet with 12 inside and with great wonder asks: "And this one dad, with 12 inside?" His father sighs and explains to him: "These my boy, are for married people. One for January, one for February…"

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.

A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."

The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on. Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?" The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"