Kid: "please could I go 2 the toilet"
teacher: "say the alphabet"
Kid: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz"
teacher: "where's the p?"
kid: "running half way down my leg"
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A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that.
You go right up there and tell him off.
Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?
(A panda bear rolling down a hill!)
Two kids were talking together.
First: "My daddy is so tall that he can touch the clouds in the sky with his hands."
Second: "That is excellent. Does your daddy touch something soft and downy?"
First: "Yes, of course."
Second: "Those are my daddy's testicles."
Vote:
Mom! I'm a 3D printer!
Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.
Vote:
Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
“Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?”
Johnny says, “Yeah!”
Vote:
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present.
Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar.
But one kid got only a pair of socks.
A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid:
LHey, what a shitty present you have received, look at my super car" said the kid offensively.
"So what, at least I don't have cancer…"
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.