Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip
A: When did you turn up?
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A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out.
The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him.
The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid.
"Is this really your grandmother?"
"Yes. She visits every Christmas!"
"Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists.
"At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game.
The cashier:
- Are you stupid? This isn't real money!
Peter:
- You're stupid. The car is not real either.
Teacher (on phone): "You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?"
Voice: "This is my father."
My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad.
Ted asked if she was going to use worms.
"No," she said. "I'm going to use a fishing pole."
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It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
"Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder."
The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
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A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?
Out for the count!
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
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