Joke #3048

Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?

"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."

Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid? A: The wall maker set.

"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"

Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him… Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly. He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?" The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"

Billy: What a pair of strange socks you're wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots!! Drew: Yes, it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the nursery? They woke up.

Yo mamas so ugly, she scares blind kids away.

Q:How does a bear start a race? A: READY, TEDDY, GO!