Joke #3081

So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper says "Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!".
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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A woman is chatting with her friends when she points at a man in the street, ‘That’s my nextdoor neighbour. He’s an alcoholic!’ One of her friends asks, ‘How do you know that?’ The woman replies, ‘Yesterday he was at the bar drinking next to me all night.'
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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, wife
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable assh*le!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Scientists have located the gene for alcoholism. They found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
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has 25.81 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What do you call 24 sorority girls walking down the street? A: A case of Schlitz.
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has 19.47 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye." The bartender says, "Yeah, right! I've never seen anyone do that!" So the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. The angry bartender pays the man his fifty dollars and the man walks away. He comes back half an hour later and says, "I bet you fifty dollars I can bite my left eye." Now the bartender becomes really skeptical. She says, "I just saw you walk in here you can't be blind!" So he takes out his fake teeth and bites his left eye. The bartender pays him his money and he walks away.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What's the best way of investing your money? A: Alcohol, where else do you get 40%?
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, money
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: Why doesn't Simon Cowell drink whiskey? A: Because it makes him mean!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men, women