If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be? Out for the count!
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through."
Little Johnny was watching TV with his mother. Johnny: "Why is this tampon commercial so long?" Mother: "This is my favorite show called 90210." Johnny: ...
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
Little Johnny and Mary were standing at the beach in their bathing suits. Johnny says to Mary, hey you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Mary says ok, and drops her bathing suit the same time as Johnie. He look and gasps you don't got one of these, but Mary laughs and says Yea, but with one of these I can get as many of those I want.
As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months. One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. "If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"
Son: "Dad, I'm cold..." Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A: We have to stick together.