Joke #3124

Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!

Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms? A: So they know when to stop having sex.

A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife. After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?" "Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"

Little Johnny's dad was constantly bragging about him to everyone. He was always telling everyone he met how his little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, and little Johnny was the best kid ever. One day little Johnny's dad was outside leaning on the fence talking to his next door neighbor. As usual it was "little Johnny did this, little Johnny did that, little Johnny's the best kid ever." Just then the school bus pulled up and little Johnny himself got off the bus. His dad was elated. He turned back to the neighbor and said, "There's my little Johnny now! Isn't he the best kid ever? I'll ask him how his day went." So when little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad said;  "So little Johnny, how was school today?" "Oh school was great today dad! I had SEX in school today!" Then little Johnny went on into the house. His dad turned to his neighbor and said ever so proudly, "That's my little Johnny, he had SEX in school today! What a kid!" Next day little Johnny's dad was back at the fence again talking to the next door neighbor as the bus pulled up again. As little Johnny was getting off the bus, his dad turned to the neighbor and said "There's my little Johnny, what a boy! Watch this, I'll ask him if he had SEX in school again today!" As little Johnny walked by on his way into the house his dad called out to him "Hey little Johnny, did you have SEX in school again today?" "Oh no dad, my butt's still sore from yesterday!"

What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’? About three inches.

What did the elephant say to the nude man? ‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’

The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex. But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.

Murphy the bus driver is sitting in his cab when his supervisor comes along. ‘Hello, Murphy,’ he says. ‘What time did you pull out this morning?’ ‘I didn’t,’ replies Murphy. ‘And I’ve been worrying about it all day.’

What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.

Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"

A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!