Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
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Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.
A man asks his buddy: "Listen to me! Why has your wife left you, if I may ask?"
And he says, "you know, she has told me that I am weak in the bed."
"Oh, that is really sad. And what do you do to improve it?"
And he says again: "you know, I have bought one book, the name of this book is Kamasutra, you know I am helping myself with the hand, I have learned all positions, but the last position I am not gonna make."
"And what is the name of this position?"
"You know, imagine the missionary position."
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
A bus carrying nuns crashes over a cliff , all are killed!
They all line up at the pearly gates and ST peter stands there with his book.
He calls the first nun up and says "Have you ever touched a penis" ,she replies
"I only ever touched one with my index finger."
He says "Well give one hell mary and dip your finger in the holly water and go throught the gates."
He calls the second nun and says "have you ever touched a penis."
She replies "I did touch one once with my left hand."
He says "well give three hell marys dip your hand in the holly water and go through the gate."
Next thing a nuns comes running through all the othere nuns knocking this over and pushing all the othere nuns out of the way.
ST Peter says "What's all the hurry?"
The nun replies "Well I would like to gargle before sister mary dips her arse in the holly water."
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around!
What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.