Joke #3126

Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
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has 75.27 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: sex

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Q: Why did dinosaurs have sex under water? A: You try to keep five hundred pounds of pussy wet!
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has 62.01 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: dinosaur, sex
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
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has 75.00 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.
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has 79.73 % from 1441 votes. More jokes about: animal, life, sex
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!
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has 59.17 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, sex
It’s the morning after the honeymoon. The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’ The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’
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has 55.88 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: How is spinach like anal sex? A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, food, kids, sex
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
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has 40.46 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: phone, sex, Yo mama
A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
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has 77.58 % from 781 votes. More jokes about: sex
Why did the Irishman wear two condoms? To be sure, to be sure.
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has 40.61 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: sex
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
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has 62.00 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife