Joke #672

Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside.
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has 77.59 % from 1455 votes. More jokes about: sex, weather

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On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
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has 75.60 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, sex, time, weather
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
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has 60.46 % from 217 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, marriage, sex, weather
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
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has 40.76 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex, weather
The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex. His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary." The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?" His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
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has 56.08 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: age, marriage, sex
Two old soldiers, Fred and Harry, are sitting in their club. Harry turns to Fred and says, ‘When was the last time you made love to a woman?’ Fred thinks for a moment then says, ‘1947.’ ‘Good heavens,’ says Harry. ‘That’s a very long time ago.’ ‘Not reall
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has 34.72 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: sex
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.
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has 60.76 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men, weather
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, stupid, weather, Yo mama
Tornadoes have sirens to warn them when Chuck Norris is coming.
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has 53.78 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Which is the most confusing day in America? Father's day! 80% don't know whom to wish. Rest 20% are scared someone will come and wish them.
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has 54.04 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, Fathers day, kids, sex