Joke #672

Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside.
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has 77.51 % from 1459 votes. More jokes about: sex, weather

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On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
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has 75.03 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, sex, time, weather
A guy buys his first motorcycle. The dealer tells him to keep a jar of Vaseline handy to rub on the chrome before it rains to prevent rusting. A few months later, the young man's girlfriend invites him to dinner at her parents' house. Before they go in, she explains their family tradition that whomever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes. After dinner, everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break. After 15 minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He leans over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her. Silence. Desperate, he grabs her mother and has sex with her on the table. Suddenly, they hear thunder rumble in the distance. The guy thinks of his bike and, instinctively, pulls the jar of Vaseline out of his pocket. "OK, OK," says the father, "I'll do the dishes!"
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has 60.97 % from 220 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, marriage, sex, weather
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
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has 41.44 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex, weather
Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
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has 71.45 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes? A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps. Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, kids, time, weather
Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
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has 67.11 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, weather
The climate requires Chuck's permission to change.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her feet.
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has 67.06 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: sex
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
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has 68.56 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, masturbation, sex, vulgar
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?". His teacher replies "NO" Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me". "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger". She again says "NO". "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again. "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher. Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON" Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
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has 81.04 % from 2014 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, sex, teacher