A woman places an ad in the local newspaper.
"Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed."
Two days later her doorbell rings.
"Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away."
"What makes you think you are great in bed?" the woman retorts.
Tim replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?" 
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A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream.
He asked his wife if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"
Harry is better at sex than anyone he know.
Now all he needs is a partner.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.
Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.
Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me im going in!
Yo mama is so fat whenever I want to make sex I would request her to fart in order to find the address of her ass.
Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I'd love to spread them!
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
A beautiful woman sits next to a drunk in a bar.
He turns to her and says, ‘Hey, honey.
How about you and me getting it on?
I’ve got a couple of pounds and it looks like you could use the money.’
The woman turns to him and says, ‘What makes you think I charge by the inch?’