What kind of money do marsupials use?
Pocket change!
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A lady went into a bar in Austin and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady!
Why don't you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ya Ma'am.
I'm real flattered.
Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"The woman replied, "Don't be flattered ...take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way.
My dad left it to me in his will.
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.
One of the chamber members stood up and said,
"I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.
I and my two mates went to a hooker and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch.
My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner!
My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50!
I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.!
"What do you mean," they asked me.
"I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."
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A little monster was learning to play the violin,' I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother.
'You should be on the radio,' said his brother.
'You think I'm that good?'
'No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex, the husband put his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.
One night, while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashed.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were handfuls of five and ten dollar bills.
He asks his wife what's up.
"Well," she replied, "not everyone is as cheap as you are."
Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused.
His mother was Jewish and his father was Hispanic.
So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?"
"What does it really matter? You’ll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him.
So Johnny’s father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question,
"Dad, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?"
"What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you’re more Jewish or more Hispanic?" asks his dad.
"Well, it’s like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don’t know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till dark and steel the fucking thing!"
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Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".