We have our water metered and it’s very expensive.
The other day the house was on fire and we didn’t know whether it would be cheaper to let it burn.
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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
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Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard?
They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
A couple was having a discussion about family finances.
Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Why are black people & vending machines the same?
Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
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A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex, the husband put his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.
One night, while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the bank to the floor where it smashed.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were handfuls of five and ten dollar bills.
He asks his wife what's up.
"Well," she replied, "not everyone is as cheap as you are."
"Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding."
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