Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
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He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased.
Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry.
Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
I asked my wife why did she marry me.
Wife: "Because you are funny."
Me: "I thought it was beacause I was good in bed?"
Wife: "You see? You're hilarious."
Two husbands were having a conversation,
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece?
A: He Married Her
Vote:
"I'd like to seek divorce. My wife hasn't spoken with me more than half year."
"Are you stupid? It's a dream of every man."
A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world.
I wish we could travel all over the world."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF!
She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn.
He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed.
Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however.
She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached?
I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg.
Jill wasn't having any of it.
"Do you think I don't like variety?
I wanted poached this morning!"