Joke #4058

I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
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On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:
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Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra." Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!" Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Vote: has 80.86 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
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Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
Vote: has 85.74 % from 325 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor." Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."
Vote: has 53.83 % from 126 votes. Send joke:
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It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
Vote: has 29.93 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, money, sport, time
Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it’s damned near impossible.
Vote: has 85.61 % from 259 votes. Send joke:
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"Mr. Ben, I am asking for your daughter's hand." "Why? I don't get it, don't you have a hand?" "I do sir, but I'm sick and tired with my own hand sir!"
Vote: has 78.48 % from 123 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, marriage, masturbation
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Vote: has 71.39 % from 131 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, husband, kids, marriage, time
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Vote: has 85.79 % from 552 votes. Send joke:
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Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Vote: has 36.23 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: love, marriage