How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
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What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
What does a man make best for dinner?
Reservations.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
Genie: I will grant you two wishes.
Guy: two? It's always three, right?
Genie: look at your crotch.
Guy: Damn, that's a huge dick that I have now.
Genie: I've been doing this for centuries. I know my business.
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check.
"I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man?
A. An oxymoron.
How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!