How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
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"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
A classic Tommy Cooper gag "I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays", was fifth.
A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas.
The vet says: "I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down."
The man is incredulous and asks why.
The vet says: "Because he's far too heavy."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.
Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
Q: How do you piss off a man?
A: Stand on his back and piss.
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