Joke #3265

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men

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Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining. She said to her husband, "Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!" Her husband, watching TV said casually: "That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you. Some people don’t even know you."
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has 74.09 % from 141 votes. More jokes about: husband, love, men
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
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has 69.93 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: men, phone, technology
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: men
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
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has 69.28 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: men, women
Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: men
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
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has 45.53 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, men
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely. The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it." The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"
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has 74.23 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: beauty, desert island, dog, food, men
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: car, death, lawyer, men
Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad." Wife: "No, you are not."
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has 64.52 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, men, wife