Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
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"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."
Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
Man walks into a shop and sees a very handsome dog. He asks the shop assistant, "Does your dog bite?"
"No, my dog doesn't bite."
The man happily tries to pet the dog, but the dog attacks him viciously.
A little later he stumbles to the shop clerk, "Hey, you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The shop clerk shrugs, "He doesn't. But that wasn't my dog."
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Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons,
I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
Why do women make better soldiers?
Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead?
A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!"
Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."