Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
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How are men like chocolates?
A.They never last long enough
B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
"That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
"That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
An advertisement:
I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones.
Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once.
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual?
The hero always gets his man in the end.