Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
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A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back, my child...!"
There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Macedonian men and 1 Macedonian woman.
One month later on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere...
The first Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois".
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Macedonian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the Macedonian woman and started swimming.
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There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.
They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.
When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet.
Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
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