Q. Why do men name their penises? A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
The Perfect Man: - wakes up at 5 am everyday - exercises everyday - makes his own bed - cleans his room - works sincerely - does not touch alcohol - helps in the kitchen - does not indulge in night life - always punctual - prays daily - hits the bed at 9 pm sharp Such a perfect man can only be found in jail.
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body? A: He is all right now.
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Two gays were at a dance. As they were jigging about the floor with each other. Two massive guys entered the hall 6 foot 6 20 stone and full of muscle One gay asked his mate "Is that the bouncers that have just come in?" "No" grinned the other,"That's the raffle."