Joke #1439

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men

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Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional." With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" said Bob.
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has 80.05 % from 559 votes. More jokes about: doctor, men
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
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has 75.20 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: men, women
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.  Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"  "Oh," replied Jim " at Yale." "That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: men, school, work
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: men
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want." So here I am.
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has 80.48 % from 494 votes. More jokes about: men
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
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has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: blonde, computer, men
What does a man call true love? An erection.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men