Joke #1439

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.

Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.

Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!

Knock knockrn Who's there? Woman who? Wo-man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke Knock knock. Who's there? Man. Man who? Man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke.

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk.  The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country."  The man says "Oh is that where the job is?" The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders? A scrotum pole!