Joke #1439

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men

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How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: car, golf, men, money, wife
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
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has 71.74 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, drunk, men, wife
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: men
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: men
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. "Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that." "Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
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has 85.44 % from 621 votes. More jokes about: men
What does a man call true love? An erection.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men
''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men