Joke #1439

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men

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It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: accountant, Halloween, kids, mean, men
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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has 23.03 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: fart, men
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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has 78.15 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: men
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
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has 59.09 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: beer, men, political, science, women
Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences. The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins." "That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets." The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"
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has 80.05 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: men
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work? It keeps them awake.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: men, work
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits) The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
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has 72.04 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: men
Why are all jokes about women one-liners? So men can understand them.
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has 56.02 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: insulting, men, women
Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded.
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has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: men