Joke #1439

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men

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A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: men
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
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has 75.60 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: men
Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain? A: A widower.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!." "No worries," replies the clerk. "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs." "Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent. With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen. In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen. She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. "What are you two doing?" she asks. "Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
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has 81.30 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: men
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A. They already have boyfriends.
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: gay, men
Q: What would men do if they had breasts? A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
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has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.
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has 73.13 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: men, relationship
What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: blonde, computer, men, stupid