How are men like chocolates?
A.They never last long enough
B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
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Three couples are having a picnic.
One man says to his wife, "Pass me the honey, honey."
The second man says to his wife, "Pass me the sugar, sugar."
Then the third man says to his wife, "Pass me the bacon, pig."
Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down.
He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck.
He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking.
A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do.
He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him.
The windows roll down and smoke pours out.
He sees a bunch of empty beer bottles.
The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?"
He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them.
The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"
Men are like.....Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.