I've got something you can take up the chain.
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Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
Q: Do you know what happends with a nigger if he sticks up 12 varningssigns in his ass?
A: He becomes a toblerone!
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Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.”
Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
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Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."
How do lesbians handle their liquor?
By the ears.
(Lick her)
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo!
she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo".
The husband replies "explain the kids?!"