Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, "Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife." Donnie says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Ronnie says, "Where did you get that beer, Donnie?" "Cooter's wife gave it to me," Donnie replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" "Well, not exactly", Donnie says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow." She said, "You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow." Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."
Q. Why did the woman bury her husband 12 feet under? A. Because deep down he's a good person.
Men and women were created equal but women continued to improve.
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain? A: A widower.
Being a man definitely has its perks... 1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview. 2. Your orgasms are real. Always. 3. Your last name stays put. 4. The garage is all yours. 5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 8. You don't give a hoot if no one notices your new haircut. 9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 10. Same work .. more pay. 11. Wrinkles-add character. 12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. 13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 17. One mood, ALL the time. 18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. 19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. 24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. 25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 27. No maxi-pads. 28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. 32. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades. 33. Your belly usually hides your big hips. 34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. 36. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes. 37. The world is your urinal.
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes? A: Because they can understand them.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.