How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
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Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game.
After answering all the questions, there is a tie.
So both are given one final assignment.
It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu".
It is city in Africa.
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory.
But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast.
At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse.
“Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.
“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.