How is a man like a snowstorm? You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
What is a man's definition of safe sex? A padded headboard.
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.
Q: What is height of Stupidity? A: A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp. When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.." The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area." "Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..." The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?" The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.