How is a man like a snowstorm?
You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
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A man was digging a ditch, when he uncovered a lamp.
When he brushed it off, a genie popped out, and said "To show my gratitude for releasing me, I'll grant you one wish.."
The man thought for a second, reached into his pocket, pulled out a map of the world, pointed to the Middle-East, and replied "I want you to bring peace to this area."
"Ooooh...I'm so sorry, that's impossible" said the genie. "There's absolutely no way I could accomplish such a great feat, so you'll have to choose another wish..."
The man then said "Well...then how about having my wife give me oral-sex voluntarily...?"
The genie thought for a minute, then said "Can I see that map again..?"
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man?
A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
My wife was dying.
I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright."
"No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.