How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing. 
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"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
Vote:
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?"
Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions!
There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Macedonian men and 1 Macedonian woman.
One month later on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere...
The first Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois".
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Macedonian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the Macedonian woman and started swimming.
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Why can't single women fart?
They don't get an asshole till they get married.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache."
The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
A woman went shopping.
She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste...
All of a sudden the salesman asks her:
"You're single, aren't you?"
A bit surprised woman smiles and answers:
"That's right, but how did you guessed that?"
"Because you're so ugly."