Joke #3440

A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
Vote:
has 85.62 % from 644 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Wife: "There's something preying on my mind." Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
Vote:
has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.” Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”
Vote:
has 80.40 % from 481 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, mother in law, wife, work
One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Vote:
has 51.00 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women? A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.
Vote:
has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two." Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us."
Vote:
has 46.02 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife, work
What is the difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free.
Vote:
has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
Vote:
has 82.95 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
Vote:
has 70.55 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, fat, marriage
Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? When the kids are in college.
Vote:
has 71.12 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: baby, college, kids, marriage, wife
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote:
has 82.79 % from 1126 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly