Joke #3534

Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection? A: A whopper with cheese.
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: women

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A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my dick on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says"bubba, is that you?"
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has 84.11 % from 1121 votes. More jokes about: dirty, wife, women
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
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has 65.24 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: death, sex, wife, women
A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?” The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!” “Hmmm,” he replies. “It must be your feet, then.”
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has 78.88 % from 233 votes. More jokes about: dirty, women
Look up "rib" in the dictionary and it says "To vex, irritate or annoy." Look up "rib" in the Bible and it says "Woman." Coincidence?
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has 82.80 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: bible, communication, women
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
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has 69.31 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting, drunk, wine, women
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely." "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."
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has 81.73 % from 576 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, wine, women
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender… "Pour me a stiff one – just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees." "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'"
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has 82.48 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, women
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women? A: men have an antenna!
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has 59.80 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, women
I've got a new anorexic girlfriend. Its not going too well though. I'm just seeing less and less of her ...
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: women
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
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has 67.57 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: women