Joke #3543

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
Vote: has 19.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A length of rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!" The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?" And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread.
Vote: has 86.14 % from 1233 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, dirty
David Hasselhoff walks into a bar, and says to the barman, ‘I want you to call me David Hoff.’ ‘Sure,’ says the barman. ‘No hassle.’
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk goes to work.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink. "Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something." "Dad you don´t mea-" "Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son. "Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored." "Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, dad, old people, time
A man orders a pint of beer, notices it tastes sour and complains to the barman. ‘What are you moaning about?’ says the barman. ‘You’ve only got a pint of that rubbish, I’ve got three barrels full.’
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Vote: has 26.98 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog, drunk
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
Vote: has 76.53 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, church, life, time, wife
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, new year
There was a man who had at least four to five drinks of whisky every day of his adult life. When he died, they cremated him, and it took two days to put out the fire!
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol