A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her:
"The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off.
Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie?
Putting the shoes on the flies!
"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident."
"Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Kid threw the butter out the window, he wanted to see a butterfly.
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors.
I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?"
Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face.
She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles.
Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?"
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
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