Joke #8166

The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat? A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

Q: What's the difference between death and taxes? A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money.

One day Pebbles Flintstone got scared and hopped in bed with Wilma and Fred. She looked under the covers on Wilma's side and asked what that was and Wilma said well Pebbles thas my rock. After that Pebbles looked on Fred's side and asked what that thing was down there and Fred replied thats my rock grinder. So Pebbles layed there for a few minutes then sat up and said so mommy puts her rock in daddy's rock grinder and out pops PEBBLES! ! ! !

Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"

A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?". "Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor. "How's that going to help me?", asks the man. "I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."

Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.