Joke #3616

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

Two Yankee boys were driving through the South and was stopped by a State Trooper. The trooper walked up to the open driver’s window, reached in, and slapped the driver on the side of his head. "What did you do that for?" the driver asked. "I don’t know how yall do it up north but here in Alabama, you have your drivers license ready when I walk up to the car." The trooper took the license when it was offered, walked back to his unit and then returned the license to the driver. He then walked around to the passenger side of the car and tapped on the window. When the passenger rolled the window down, the trooper reached in and slapped the passenger on the side of the head. "What did you do that for?" asked the startled passenger. "Well," responded the trooper, "I didn’t want you to be disappointed. You’ll get about two miles down the road and then say, 'I wish that redneck woulda tried that with me!'"

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk” The wasted wino asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.” Obviously relieved, the wino said “That’s a relief - I thought I was a cripple.”

How do you join the police? Handcuff them together.

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just beat the room for being black.

The cop said, ‘Pull over!’ I said, ‘No, cardigan, but thanks for noticing!’

The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway. But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"