Joke #3616

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
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has 18.30 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: cop

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A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
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has 83.58 % from 295 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, drunk, health
A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
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has 44.13 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: cop
Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body. I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
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has 75.83 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: black humor, car, cop, death, gym
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license." His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
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has 83.68 % from 283 votes. More jokes about: cop, drunk, money
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25." Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered. The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?" "Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
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has 71.05 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
Knock knock. Who's there? FBI. FB… We are asking the questions here!
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has 54.45 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, knock-knock, mean
A cop asks a nigger: Can you legitimate yourself? Is this because I’m black?
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has 14.76 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: cop
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school. Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?" "Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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has 69.20 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: cop, dad, little Johnny, school
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?" Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: cop
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent. "Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: cop, money