Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
Q: What do you call a woman with no a**hole? A: Divorced.
Me: I just bought Tupacs of Eminems for 50 Cents. Friend: That's Ludacris. How Kanye West your money like that?
Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.
"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist. And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why? Theres no place like home ...
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings": * The Engagement Ring * The Wedding Ring * The Suffe-Ring * The Endu-Ring
Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: In the mainstream.
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
Life is like a box of chocolate. It doesn't last long for fat people.
Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.