Joke #3631

Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.

About 4,000 years ago: God: "I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!" Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note* God: "Correction, I shall create a great flood!"

Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg." Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."

I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions'

Amazing unbelievable facts 1. Isaac Newton was alive before he died 2. It takes 60 seconds to make a minute 3. Albert Einstein was born on his birthday 4. Morgan Freeman is called Morgan Freeman because his first name is Morgan and last name is Freeman

Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"

One day, Bush was talking with Osama Binladen on the phone, they couldn’t trace from where the call was coming from, but Osama said, "I’ve got good news and bad news." Bush replied, "What’s the good news?" "I’m turning myself in," said Osama. "But the bad news is, I’m coming on a plane."

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.