Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts!
Q: What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? A: What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" "Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Q: What's the difference between a black fairy tale and a white one? A: White one starts like "once upon a time" Black one starts like " y'all muthaf*ckas gotta here dis"
Yo mama's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living.
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
What has four legs but can't walk? A chair.
What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.