The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.
I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
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I fell in love with my wife at second sight.
The first time I didn’t know she had money.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex?
A: Let her catch you doing it.
A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time.
The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet.
He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio.
He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees.
He admits, "I had kneesles, too."
Finally, he pulls off his boxers.
In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no...smallcox, too!"
"My wife suffers from a drinking problem."
"Oh is she an alcoholic?"
"No, I am, but she's the one who suffers."
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"
Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years.
One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen.
His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?"
"Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, um, she got fired, too."
Two husbands were having a conversation,
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.